He canceled the order of protection and has allowed me to return to the house...but how can I stay here? He's not only broken my heart but my spirit has been destroyed as well. I fear that at any given given moment he will change his mind and have me arrested. There is no trust.... I walk on pins and needles. I fear that he will totally lose it and hurt me. And yet I still love him and it hurts to be around him knowing that he isn't mine any longer and I can't even touch him or kiss him or tell him I love him.
I cry myself to sleep every night.... alone in my bed. Hearing him sleep in the other room. I take pills to sleep but they no longer work.... I spend my night watching the clock till 3 or 4 in the morning before finally falling asleep. Some night I don't sleep at all and I'm awake when the alarms go off. This morning I pretended to be asleep until after he had left and then I got up. I went back to bed at 8am and slept for about an hour and a half. Tomorrow I go to the doctor to see if they can give me something else and to see if he will put me on medical leave so I don't lose my job. Then maybe I'll go and stay with one of my kids for awhile.
I hate the thought of leaving my home... I love it and want to stay as long as I can. Everything I love and hold dear is being torn away and I can't stand it anymore.
I hate the thought of leaving my home... I love it and want to stay as long as I can. Everything I love and hold dear is being torn away and I can't stand it anymore.
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